Cincinnati Curfew

Zap!

2005-09-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

(Click here for related article) Cincinnati Police subdued a 12-year old with a taser after she refused to go to detention. The "unruly student" refused to stand up when officers arrived on scene. At 5'5" and 120 lbs, the officers used this protective measure after a warning believing that the child's size would make her too difficult to subdue. The student was then taken to Children's Hospital as a protective measure and then was promptly arrested, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, and was sent to a Juvenile Detention center.

But wait... it gets better! In January, City Council took a vote on banning the use of Tasers on Children 11 or younger and by a 5-4 vote, the proposal was rejected.

That's really super awesome. Good job Cincinnati. City Council has officially earned my "What the F?" of the day.

Thanks to Tom in Boston for bringing this to my attention. It's great to make the national news for something besides Riots.

Our Underground Railroad will rise!

2005-08-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

The trains are coming! The trains are coming!

I’ve griped in the past about our lack of public transportation, but felt the need to post some basic information before going on to the news…

Our "Metro" (public bus, fondly referred to as "The 'Tro") is our only form of "Mass Transit". No trains. No Subways. No Streetcars. We had a subway system once...Our own secret underground railroad. Construction began in 1912 and the system continues to lie in shame underneath the pavement our cars grace. Its demise was blamed on funding in the 1960s, but I find this suspicious timing coinciding with social changes. (Specifically, desegregation. Transporting "others" in to our still segregated neighborhoods must not have appeared such a good idea at the time.)1/3 of Metro Riders have no other means of transportation. (Translated as "No Car") and 51% are earning less than the current poverty level. With the exception of the 20% who work downtown using the system, we can assume that most are using what could be an excellent system because they must.

Today I found out that trains might be coming. They call this our first light rail system (which isn’t the case considering that taxpayers already spent 13 million on a system that never saw completion) which would shuffle East Siders (the white-collar section of the city) downtown. As a “West Sider”, I should be bitter, but it’s an important first step.

I say “Might be coming” because a lot of environmentalists are hacked off because the plan (which also calls for a highway system) could degrade our river system. (Because the proposed highway or rail would cross the river) Though we’re not best friends, I do love our earth and all of the river systems that come with it, but for anyone that’s ever visited, we’re talking about the OHIO river. You know, that river that we dump sewage, industrial waste, refrigerators, and dead bodies in? That sludge covered river deemed unsafe for swimming and fishing? This transportation plan also calls for beautification, landscaping, environmental protection, green space, bike paths, and restoring of the wetlands. It would also save our environment from 50 million miles that cars drive on that stretch of road.

What is everyone afraid of? Again, I’d like to just throw it out there: Desegregation of our neighborhoods. “Those people” downtown could invade the East Side just as easily as East Siders could commute downtown.

Too black for school?

2005-08-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

This is Keith. Cute kid, eh? Keith's mother wanted to enroll him at a school in the Northwest School District (see this article) and was refused because he "does not meet eligibility criteria for the following reason: transfer will adversely affect racial balance of school". The really not-so-funny part? Keith is bi-racial. He could technically fit in either category. Northwest School District countered by saying "We have two categories. We have minority and we have white". The Assistant Super-Intendant countered by saying "The Welch population for minority students exceeds the district average by more than 15%". Keith is apparently too black for school.

Back in the early 80's, the Cincinnati Public School System was still segregated as (in an effort to "save money" on bussing), children were enrolled in the closest school to their home. Black kids went to school in black neighborhoods, and white kids went to school in white neighborhoods. In an effort to fix the problem, "Magnet Schools" were created to allow for bussing. These schools specialized in foreign languages, College Prep, Physical Education, and the Arts to name a few. Magnet Schools had to literally be divided equally among the races and the sexes. At the time of their creation, my father camped out in a snow storm for three days to enroll me at a French School which happened to be in a White Neighborhood. (P.S., I'm white.) A cracker-white queue trailed for blocks with black students walking past angry stares to the front of the line. Am I bitter? Not at all. 90% of my friends were black and I had no idea what race was until someone in my church asked me where all of my colored friends were. Is my dad bitter? Not at all. Chapped lips and cold hands melted away at the thought of my receiving the best education possible. Fluent in French with 3.94 or higher at both colleges that I attended. Not bad for "Public School". ("Neighborhood" schools that continue to be segregated still exist which perform significantly lower on test scores. He could have skipped the camp-out and sent me there instead)

It would seem that my gut reaction would be to defend the school district then....that crucial racial balance that provided me a far greater education than reading, writing and arithmetic could ever bless me with. The problem? Welch Elementary is not a magnet school. It's a neighborhood school. Current race statistics can be found here. The summary? 37% black, 57% white (the rest are "unknown", whatever that is). It's not as if they're defending some delicate racial line in denying a biracial student. There is a clear majority that Keith doesn't fit in to and as for now, Keith is simply too black for school.

At least it's deer they're shooting

2005-08-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

A refreshing change from shooting unarmed black men:

(As told on Cincinnati.Com) The Cincinnati Park Board wants to hire police sharpshooters to kill 550 deer in Mount Airy Forest next year in an effort to curb the exploding deer population there. The program, a first for the city, could be expanded to California Woods in an effort to reduce the deer population citywide.

Really....POLICE sharpshooters? In public parks? "Cincinnati....it's a riot!"

Publik Skool

2005-07-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

Check out this article.

Here's the summary: Offer students (who pass an achievement test) at underachieving schools financial vouchers to attend private schools. Leave all of the underachieving students at the crappy schools that we can't afford to improve because we're paying to send the smart students elsewhere.

Taft is a dummy. Even with my public school education, I was able to come up with a better idea: IMPROVE THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

Bass Ackwards

2005-06-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

In other "big cities", I've noticed that people with lots of money to spend live downtown. Property Value, Entertainment, Parking.....everything seems to cost more. So why pay more? Because people actually WANT to live there. Employment, Entertainment, Culture and Commute are terribly tempting.

Cincinnatians have a far different approach. The more money one has equates to the length of one's commute in to the city. (We love to drive. See "At least we're not #1" , Thurs June 16th below.) Our low income housing projects are located right in the heart of the city or within the immediate 3 miles sorrounding it.

The Census bureau just realeased lots of interesting statistics about people running away from Cincinnati detailed in this article.

Among the nation's "big cities", Cincinnati saw the biggest population drop next to Detroit. No offense to Detroit, but the fact makes me chuckle. Watch out Motor City. We're coming for your number one spot! It seems that everyone is moving from Cincinnati to Hamilton, OH (25.71 miles away) and Cold Spring, KY (13.71 miles away).

I'm proud to be one of those population decreases from 2001-2004 contributing to these stats. I find the length of commute to parallel general well being. Boston, MA? (877.20 miles away)

2005-06-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

I was reading Cincinnati News online today and topping the story were locals heading off to see Nascar in RVs. The story would have amused me regardless, but check these people out: Nascar would not be complete without the cornhole set.

2005-06-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Cornhole

Learn to love the Cornhole

2005-06-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Cornhole fascinates me. (See picture Above)

Don't try to Google Cincinnati's biggest addiction at work...I'm sure that you can guess what unrelated sites may pop up.

When I left Cincinnati in 2001, Cornhole was making a modest appearance in backyards at family cookouts. I spent three years musing about how nothing would change in my native city. Cincinnati, you never fail to surprise me.

Cornhole has since moved to the front yard, bar fronts, bar yards, inside bars, at senior centers, at day cares, at community centers, at union halls. There is now an American Cornhole Association, conrhole leagues, cornhole championships, cornhole fundraisers, cornhole drinking games, and most recently: glow-in-the-dark cornhole sets.

What is this mystical cornhole literally lining our front yards with the glory of drinking, you may ask?

IT'S A BOX WITH A HOLE. Seriously. The goal is to throw a bean bag in the hole. Two boxes are placed a standard length apart and then teams take turns trying to send a bag of corn home.

Not just for a round or so of corn filled fun, but FOR HOURS. When I grudgingly join in out of boredom or as a sad excuse to enjoy a beer, I quickly tire of the whole effort. I've been told that this is because I don't understand the proper technique. I've seen tiffs over scoring and blood vessels nearly popping from the strain of that two minutes of preparation it takes to aim.

I've decided that this craze that I can't quite understand can only be defeated by replacing it with an craze of equal value. Some new ideas: Aiming corn at a trash can, throwing corn across the Ohio River, aiming kernels in to teammates mouths or shooting corn at teammates with pellet guns. This game would of course need an equally appropriate name, such as "manpie" or "gloryhole".

Any suggestions are kindly appreciated.

At least we're not number one (Health)

2005-06-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

My personal goal is to expose our lifestyle with facts, as numbers and percentages are terribly interesting. I was recently comparing my native land to other places that have welcomed my type when I found some interesting facts on our general well-being:

We're unhealthy. (The third unhealthiest city in the US to be exact. Two other Ohio cities made the bottom ten. The study was based on Physical Activity, Health Status, Nutrition, Lifestyle Pursuits, and Mental Wellness.

I have a few theories regarding our poor state of health that I'd like to contribute:

1) We're lazy (as a whole) as Cincinnati are thoroughly convinced that we must drive EVERYWHERE.

Our "Metro" (public bus, fondly referred to as "The 'Tro") is our only form of "Mass Transit". No trains. No Subways. No Streetcars. No walking the grueling three blocks to Taco Bell.

We had a subway system once...Our own secret underground railroad. Construction began in 1912 and the system continues to lie in shame underneath the pavement our cars grace. Its demise was blamed on funding in the 1960s, but I find this suspicious timing coinciding with social changes. (Specifically, desegregation. Transporting "others" in to our still segregated neighborhoods must not have appeared such a good idea at the time.)

1/3 of Metro Riders have no other means of transportation. (Translated as "No Car") and 51% are earning less than the current poverty level. With the exception of the 20% who work downtown using the system, we can assume that most are using what could be an excellent system because they must.

2) We love to eat out.
Households in Cincinnati allocated the largest proportion in the entire United States of their total food budget to food away from home at 48.8%. If we were going to eat half of our meals in the most unhealthy way possible, you would think that we could afford to burn the calories it takes to walk a block or so away. This makes me want lots of money to invest in restaurants. Donations are kindly accepted.

3) We love to smoke. Ohioans top the national averages with 6 Ohio cities (including Cincinnati at 21.5%) topping the list. Everyone knows smoking is bad, but it's too tempting after eating that meal at a restaurant or when making the "long" drive home.

4) We love to drink. The Alcoholism Council of the Cincinnati Area estimates that 85,000 to 122,000 Cincinnatians are alcoholics. Holy crap! Our population was only 331,285 in the year 2000. That means that 37% of our total population is addicted to alcohol. 92,586 of that number were under 18. Blindly assuming that we can remove the minors from this study, that makes 51% of the adults remaining alcoholics.

I wonder how many of those are having a beer with their cigarette on the short car ride to the restaurant.

The Cultural Wasteland is Open for Business

2005-06-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Cincinnati Curfew! This blog is dedicated to the ridiculousness that is Cincinnati with actual news stories and first hand observations. Though I aim to offer a cultural insight in to the hilarity that is the Midwest to those who have not yet experienced it, I hope that a few of my own kind will contribute to its exposure. To those of you who only know us by our Chili, Pete Rose, Race Riots, and WKRP I offer you these further temptations to avoid us, or perhaps even the sick curiosity to visit. Welcome to Cincinnati.